What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:16
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My family never makes their pension either.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
What are some ballbusting stories?
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Im still living with it.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
So, i spoilt her more .
My life is so biszare .
Why can’t conservatives accept the fact that they are stupid?
I write beautiful poetry .
She married twice! .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Why do so many guys love anime girls?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
What timeless pieces do you believe every wardrobe should possess?
I could never make a relationship work though!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
What is the reason for writing X^2 as XX instead of X*X?
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
What is an easy way to get your driver's license?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
We all went to grammer schools
I said to her
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
He resisted the act ,that day.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I think the readers, may guess!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And i lived it daily.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
But, we were locked up after school.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She found it foreign!.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
So whats the point in blame.
All the time i was locked up.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I will be 64.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Why did i forgive my father ?
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I never cut or harmed myself..
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He knew the spot.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
One cannot live in the past .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
But it wasn’t much.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I don,t even have a pension.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Would this be the day?
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Comes on , in middle age.
I was seconnd youngest,
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was 9 years of age.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
It was going to be , some day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is soul school!.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
She was in good health!
She loved him until the end.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was very sick at this time too.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I waited trembling.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What did i know ?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
When she asked me how she looked .
I did it because my mum asked me too!
But ive been too sick for many years..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Especially a lifetime of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Ive learnt so much.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Was to survive, this bastard.
I have no regrets .
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We were not on the streets..
She wouldn,t have been !
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Put me off passion for life!!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
I was scared of men, in general
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Who then, do I blame.?